【美帝键盘侠】罗斯重归锡伯杜帐下 网友疯狂调侃
2018-03-09 12:25:14 来源：CCTV5在线直播
[Adrian Wojnarowski] Free agent guard Derrick Rose is signing with Minnesota for the rest of the season, league sources tell ESPN.
WOJ:根据联盟消息透露,自由球员德里克-罗斯将与森林狼续约至赛季结束，而且该消息已经被官方证实。
[–][PHI] Markelle FultzWilt2DrJ2Chuck2AI2Jo 5795
thibs right now tryign to figure out how to fit derricks 46 minutes into the rotation
锡伯杜现在肯定在费尽心机地搞清楚如何将德里克-罗斯融入轮换阵容长达46分钟之久。
[–]BucksThe_Monstees 357
Pfft, as if Rose gets a two-minute breather
你这话说得好像罗斯能休息两分钟一样。
[–]Lanty725 2102
Phone Rings
Hinrich: Hello
Thibs: Bring your goggles, we making one more run.
电话响起
辛里奇：你好
锡伯杜：赶紧带上你的运动眼镜，我们赶紧再起来HIGH一波。
[–]BullsiPlowedYourMom 749
"Lu! Jo!
WE'RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER!"
Meanwhile, Nate Robinson is crying, hoping he can take Richard Shermans spot.
锡伯杜：鲁尔-邓！辛里奇！
曾经的老公牛都回来了，我们聚在一起再HIGH一波！
与此同时，内特-罗宾逊留下了不争气的泪水，加上我啊，哪怕让我代替理查德-谢尔曼也好。
注：理查德-谢尔曼，NFL西雅图海鹰队员，内特-罗宾逊在海鹰队试训过。
[–]BullsBSimpson1 181
We're forgetting the wild card: John Lucas III.
我们永远不会忘记那个男人：约翰-卢卡斯三世。
[–][PHI] Robert CovingtonCanadianCoffee 78
JL3 was a legend.
他是个传奇。
[–]BullsFatJohnson6 60
I remember when JL3 had to play all 48 minutes because Rose and Hinrich were both out and there were no other point guards on the team. Legend.
我永远记得约翰-卢卡斯三世打了一整场48分钟的比赛，因为罗斯和辛里奇两个人当时都打不了比赛，球队没有一个控球后卫了，他是真正的传奇。
— — — — — — — — — —
[–][SAC] Jason Williamssnowlarbear 1259
thibs trying to figure out how to get all games into triple OT to get more minutes
锡伯杜现在在搞清楚一个问题：如何让每场比赛都打三个加时，这样每个人都能上更多的时间了。
[–]Cavaliersalmar89 1340
Derrick Rose steps to the line for 2 shots. The Wolves are down by 1 with .1 seconds left in the game.
He's played 47 minutes, he's exhausted, his knees have been making a clicking sound for the last half hour, but he still sinks the first free throw.
Confident he can put the game away and get some rest, he receives the ball from the ref and prepares to shoot, but something stops him. What is that loud voice from the sidelines.
Thibs: MISS THE SHOT DERRICK! YOU NEED SOME MORE RUN! MISS THE SHOT AND TAKE US TO OT!
Tears begin to roll down Derrick's face. Is he happy to be playing for Thibs again, is he sad that his coach wants him to play 53 minutes of basketball in his first game as a Timber wolf? He didn't even know, but he did know one thing. He was going to brick this free throw. He just couldn't say no to that angry, sweaty man.
EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone for your positive reactions to this! I pretty much just comment on reddit, so seeing people have a good time with one of my comments feels really good. Thanks to your responses we also now have some accompanying art and a players only interview with DRose himself after the game.
Brent Barry: Man, that was a wild one, I understand D3 is on the court for an interview with the game's hero Derrick Rose, who played 78 minutes tonight and scored 24 points on 7 of 52 shooting. D3 whaddya got?
D3: Derrick that was an incredible performance in your first game as a Timber wolf, why don't you walk us through that last play where your charged to the hoop, took some contact, finished the lay up for the game winner, and then landed in a heap and never got back up.
DRose:.............................................
D3: Derrick.....Derrick..... DERRICK! OH MY GOD, THIS MAN IS DEAD. This is players only baby, you know how it is. Back to you Brent.
德里克-罗斯站上罚球线执行两次罚球，森林狼目前落后一分，比赛仅剩下一秒钟。
他已经打了47分钟了，他精疲力竭，他的膝盖在过去的半个小时中咔咔作响，但是他还是坚持投进了第一个罚球。
他觉得自己能够将比赛带走并且得到一定的休息时间，他有这个自信，他从裁判那里得到了球准备投篮了，但是有些事情阻止了他继续罚球，这是场边传来了非常大的声音。
锡伯杜：赶紧TM的罚丢那个球，你需要再多跑动一段时间，罚丢那个球然后把球队打进加时！
眼泪从罗斯的眼角滑下，这滴眼泪是为再次能和锡伯杜打球高兴而流呢，还是因为他第一次代表森林狼出战就要出场53分钟伤心而流呢？他不知道这种情绪究竟是什么，但是他还是知道一件事情的，那就是他需要投丢这个罚球，他没有办法对那个愤怒的，满头大汗的人说不。
编辑：感谢各位对我的抬爱，我决定给大家再编一个结局。
布伦特-巴里：我觉得场边记者已经开始等待采访罗斯了，他本场比赛打了78分钟52投7中得到24分。
场边记者：罗斯第一场为森林狼出战的比赛表现就令人难以置信，他最后冲击了篮筐完成上篮并让球队赢下了比赛，然后他就倒地不起并且再也没有回过神来。
罗斯……………………
场边记者：罗斯……罗斯你怎么了？天哪，他已经死了，这就是前方全部的情况，巴里。
[–]Cavaliersalmar89 165
Ha, I had a part in my head where they go to 6 OTs and Derrick dies on the court, but I thought that might be a little too dark, so I went with the tears ending.
当时我的脑瓜里就有森林狼打了六个加时然后罗斯死在场上的场景，结局可能有点黑暗，但是在我写下这些故事时，眼泪不自觉地从我眼角滑过。
[–]Heatmiketrollson 491
Hey Derrick!
Hi coach.
So, 38 minutes?
You don't have that kind of time to go arou..
I'LL MAKE TIME!
嘿，德里克
嘿，教练
所以，打38分钟怎么样？
教练，你可能没有那么多时间分给我……
时间挤一挤总是有的吗！
— — — — — — — — — —
[–][CLE] Kevin LoveA_A_lewis_ 6458
"I'm ready coach. just kill me."
罗斯：“教练我已经躺好了，用力死艹我就行。”
[–]Sunstreytakzona 2639
"Ok how about a nice little 40 minute breather for your first game back?"
锡伯杜：“好的，要么你回归的第一场比赛就先来个四十分钟养养生？”
[–]BucksThe_Monstees 903
This would surprise a grand total of zero people
瞧你这话说的，我们根本不！惊！讶！好么？
[–]Sunstreytakzona 421
Rose: "Well shit I was half expecting it but I'm surprised anyway."
罗斯：“好吧实际上我早就预料到了，但是不管怎么样，让我假装吃惊以下好吧。”
[–]Bullsjordonkry 137
"just fuck my knees up fam"
罗斯：“继续大力对待我的膝盖吧。”
[–]michaelvinters 379
It's the perfect relationship.
Thibs kills Rose.
Rose kills the Wolves playoff chances.
完美的连锁反应
锡伯杜死艹罗斯。
罗斯毁灭森林狼季后赛希望。
[–]LakersApexEngineering 3296
FINISH HIM THIBS
快了结了罗斯！锡伯杜！
[–][CHI] Derrick Rosejeric13xd 1685
We’ve gone full circle. Idgaf anymore go Minnesota Bulls
这世界真像一个圆，兜兜转转又回到了原点，让我们喊出那句口号：明尼苏达公牛队总冠军！
[–]Buckstheconfuserx2 678
Well shit, Noah to the Timberwolves confirmed
这么说，诺阿来森林狼岂不是板上钉钉了？
[–]Knicks TankswagonThePassionOfKristaps 600
DOBBY IS A FREE ELF
“多比现在是个自由的精灵了！”
注：多比是哈利波特系列电影的精灵，他在获得主人的袜子之后重新获得自由，此处调侃罗斯被死艹。
[–]Jazzalaric1224 109
Don't forget Deng! Lakers and Knicks fans are going to be so happy.
别忘了英国乔丹！湖人和尼克斯的粉丝会很开心的。
[–][HOU] Chris PaulStony_Brooklyn 107
Wiggins for Deng, who says no
威金斯和邓互换东家，谁敢说个不字？
[–]Knickssonfoa 47
Joakim Noah for KAT. Who says no?
诺阿和唐斯互换，谁敢说不？
[–]Ham_Solo7 76
Noah : 2 x All Star, KAT : 1 x All Star. So Noah is better, jokes on you!
搞笑呢你，诺阿两届全明星，唐斯才进一次，诺阿肯定更好，森林狼大赚啊！
[–]TimberwolvesGuy_Fieri_69 349
If Derrick Rose stays healthy the rest of the 2018 season I’ll make a blanket out of American cheese and sleep with it the duration of the T-Wolves playoff run.
我就把话撂在这了，如果罗斯能够在2018一整个赛季保持健康，我就用美国奶酪做一条地毯然后再森林狼的季后赛比赛中一直穿森林狼的T恤。
[–][PHO] Steve Nashslysonic7 764
Thank god Butler and Rose love each other!
我又可以看巴特勒和罗斯的CP了！开心！
[–][MIA] Lamar OdomNBA_Drug_Policy 722
Aw Thibs gave Jimmy a Rose. Time for anal
锡伯杜给了巴特勒一朵玫瑰，是时候GAY一波了。
[–]Bulls TankwagonLL_Cruel_J 313
Usually it's three comments to gay on here
这地方真是三句不离哲学啊。
— — — — — — — — — —
[–]Charlotte HornetsVgatv 2724
T-Wolves know their history. They know only 4 teams since 1980 has won a title without an active MVP on their roster. They had a box to check and they checked it with this signing.
森林狼还算有自知之明，他们知道自从1980年以来只有四支球队在获得总冠军的时候球队里没有MVP的，他们现在招来了罗斯，这样就可以在夺冠清单里打个勾了。
[–][GSW] Draymond GreenMacDerfus 784
Jeff Teague has been swept by LeBron in every round of the playoffs except the finals.
顺便透露个小贴士：杰夫-蒂格每轮季后赛都被勒布朗-詹姆斯横扫过，除了总决赛。
[–]TimberwolvesFuzzy_Dunlops 423
I can only assume the plan is to ride Teague through the Western conference, then cut him right before the finals and start Rose.
我知道了，一切都是阴谋，森林狼的计划是利用蒂格一路杀进总决赛，然后在总决赛里避免被勒布朗横扫换上罗斯然后雪藏蒂格。
[–]BullsMundaneInternetGuy 237
For all we know, DRose could be the greatest Finals player of all time.
而且我们都知道，罗斯是所有球员里打总决赛最厉害的。
[–]Thundernewman796 440
That's actually good logic when I thought about it
我觉得楼上说得夺冠逻辑很棒。
[–][MIN] Tyus Jonespollinium 334
well then you should know we're hopeless
it's been like 2 decades since a team without a former Shaq teammate has made the NBA finals... you can't win the finals without making them
如果硬要这么说那我狼的夺冠路早就凉了……
近20年来夺冠的球队里都要有沙克的前队友，如果没有的话就赢不了总决赛。
— — — — — — — — — —
[–]Nets TankwagonMeo280 1731
Minnesota TimberBulls
Emmmm……明尼苏达森林牛？
[–][TOR] Vince Cartercysenberg 178
Minnesota Thibberbulls
No！是明尼苏达锡箔牛！
[–]Thunderlacrorear 630
Thibodeau is going to take him to the farm :(
锡伯杜带着罗斯去了屠宰场……不开心。
[–][UTA] Donovan MitchellFcivish4 180
"You've been a good boy Old Rose... I'm sorry I have to do this."
“你是一个好的孩子老罗……我很伤心我不得不做这些事情。”
[–]MavericksCenturion_Rome 731
Hmm - the TimberBull looks like it is in an excruciating amount of pain.
这头牛看上去伤痕累累，病痛一堆啊。
[–]DrunkenMasterII 599
It makes sense
毕竟是被锡伯杜死艹的牛，正常操作坐下坐下。
[–]Magichowclassic 1048
How old is Rose in Thibs years?
罗斯在锡伯杜年里现在几岁啊？
[–][TOR] OG Anunobywikiman2001 843
A toddler
学前儿童。
[–]BenRenKyloSolo 172
Literally about to die
— — — — — — — — — —
我感觉差不多要死了。
[–][POR] Damian Lillardzawhal 215
Tyus better
我觉得泰厄斯-琼斯更棒。
[–]Timberwolvesfrallet 103
RIP Tyus minutes :(
安息吧，琼斯的上场时间。
[–]TimberwolvesKATgonnaGetThatYarn 193
Given the PGs we already have and the complete lack of wings, either we’re gonna be playing two point guard lineups a lot or this makes no sense
我们早就有一堆控卫了，我们缺的是侧翼人才，我们打那种双控卫阵容太多根本没啥意义啊！
[–]KnicksJetsLag 224
What, a Teague-Rose backcourt doesn't make you excited?
话是这么说，蒂格和罗斯的后场不会让你激动得发抖吗？
[–]TimberwolvesMacAndCrees 78
Didn't want him last year at the cost of rubio. with Jimmy gone tho I'm all for this, we need production from everywhere and we can't keep playing 8 guys every game
老实说如果以卢比奥为代价得到蒂格是我不想看到的，但是现在巴特勒伤了我就只能全指望他了，我们需要在场上有人得分，总是8人轮换是不好的。
[–]SpursTA_Account_12 116
Put Crawford at the 3 and it's a defensieve juggernaut.
把克劳福德摆上三号位，然后防守就炸了。
[–]TimberwolvesAndre10202 65
Teauge at the 1
Rose at the 2
Jamal at the 3
Wiggins at the 4
Kat at the 5
DEFENSE
蒂格1号位、罗斯2号位、克劳福德3号位、威金斯4号位、唐斯5号位，然后防守就再见吧。
[–]TimberwolvesMatooBatson 42
Oh God. Wiggins might be the best defender on that lineup.
威金斯可能是这个阵容里防守最好的了。
[–]MayorAvila 157
Lot of people rushing to meme for karma, but I'm really happy for D. Rose. Glad he's in a situation with some familiar faces in Thibs, Jimmy and Taj. Hope he finds some stability, comfort, and success with those guys.
很多人都在因为这件事情疯狂刷梗，但是我真的为德里克-罗斯开心，我很开心他又能捡到锡伯杜、吉米-巴特勒还有泰-吉布森这些老面孔，他能在这享受稳定、舒适并且能和这些家伙一切获得成功。
来源：Reddit
译者：万事胜意